once again i'm on a journey to be the best me i can be

As most of us do, I assume im not alone, i occasionally take a step back and say "this is not who/what i want to be at this point in my life, and try to convince myself to make some changes. Trust me some days its a real challenge.  Changes that I think will make me a better person.  The person i often feel i am falling short of being.

some days i have a hard time convincing myself that im ready and willing to make some real changes!

i have acknowledged, if only recently, that no matter how much i change, i am just one of those people that will never be happy with well quite frankly anything.  I know that sounds a little sad, or maybe a little overstated.  But i believe that happiness is the journey and not the destination and im currently (again) on a journey to figure out what it is that i think will make me happy.  or shall i say more content...

Blogging is one of the things that i've always enjoyed.  if only for me to get my ideas out of my head, and stop them from bouncing around against each other driving me even crazier than i feel i am.
in general i blog for me, there is no organization to my blogging. i dont want that. my life is ciaos, and so my thoughts come out that way.

i plan to post about things that make me happy. and to document family doings so that it is easier to share them with family/friends that dont live as close as i wish they did or i dont see as often as i truly wish they did.  To also serve as an online scrapbook for my children.

i find myself in the midst of trying to convince myself to do several things, all at once.  its usually all or nothing.  The list includes but is not limited to....being healthier (which includes exercising, eating better, and stressing less) that alone is a gigantic task for me, being a better mom/girlfriend, organize the ciaos at home (which might be impossible without the help of a cleaning fairy), and taking on the great challenge of not only running a business, but trying to catch up on many many years of things that were not taken care of prior to my ownership (which i find might be harder than starting from the beginning)

so what information do i want to share today...

im currently reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  Im quite enjoying this book, im about half way through it, and i am finding i connect with the author.  I am enjoying much of what she has to say, and have even taken to applying some of her suggestions into my own life.  Or i should say am trying to, its a start.  I dont think that i will go on to create my own happiness project as many of her readers have, im definitely not organized enough for that.  Here are a few ideas that have hit home with me, and that i have started to remind myself of in my daily life.

The one minute rule.  she decided not to put off any task that takes less than one minute to complete, it helps to eliminate clutter.  For a quite lazy person like myself, it helps to convince me that i need to take that time to put the toilet paper roll on the holder!  she also had something that went along with this that had something to do with end of the night pick up to help get organized in the a.m.  i've also applied this at times, but not really in general.  one of my biggest issues with keeping this house cleaned (other than living with messy people!) is that half the week i am working 12 hr days and the other half im either recovering from working 3 12 hr days in a row or trying to fit in friend or family time.  I often long for a routine or schedule that is the same every day...but whats the challenge in that.

Gretchen also mentioned how good a certain smell can make us feel.  she quite enjoyed the smell of a candle at a friends house and went out and bought one for her home office to make her work space more enjoyable. i jumped all over the opportunity to go buy something good smelling, even tho i have several great smelling candles at home i dont burn.  i was reminded of one of those old email forwards about burning that rose candle and enjoying it before it melts in storage in the attic. or something like that.  you know one of those live life now kinds of emails.  anyways, i got a lovely smelling candle at THE walmart (hehe, love how people say THE walmart!)  its fabreeze and makes me quite happy when i burn it while im working on catching up my paperwork....my massive pile of paperwork, or while im facebooking to avoid my paperwork...

being an extremely nostalgic person, i was completely inspired by her idea to have special boxes for her daughters mementos.  I am already a hoarder of drawings, pictures, and trinkets for myself and my children. I even started a hat box for Timothy when i cleaned out his closet b/c he had family photos mixed in his plastic bags with random papers.  i want to organize my ciaos a little better tho and buy really special boxes to keep for them, with copies of Christmas photos and such that are sent out to loved ones and little things that i want them to be able to take with them when they move out...yes i'm assuming some day they will move out and not still be living in our basement like timothys oldest son...ive ran into several ideas on Pinterst that i'd like to do that go along w/ this idea.  i'm so completely obsessed with Pinterst arnt we all. ok all us females!  here is one of the idea's i love, really i love any idea that involves displaying things in a glass jar :)

Memory Jar

i also ran into this fun little idea, that when your little person, who we must admit always says the most amusing things...we especially think so b/c they get these ideas from us, so just think its the most clever of things coming out the mouth of a 5 yr old!

Magical Thinking 

again it involves a glass jar, and quotes so i'm in!

one thing that Gretchen suggests that i really want to incorporate into my bettering myself involves "listening to our children"  thats all any of us really wants right? is for someone to listen to us. but how often do we tell our kids to hush because we are just to busy in our own lives or on facebook/pinterest to really listen to them.  we all know they will be grown and out of the house in the blink of an eye. even though we say sometimes we long for those days of peace and quite, we wont really know what to do with all that time!  i find myself way too often pushing my childrens worries or questions away b/c quite frankly i'm either too busy or too tired to deal with them.  which makes me quite sad.  ask any parent (ok almost any parent) what the most important thing to them is, and at the top of that list will be their childrens happiness...but how many of us really on a daily basis give our kids 100%. i a good mom, i know i'm a good mom, but i also know i can be giving them alot more. its one of my many many goals im working on.  my daughter is on the verge of teenager-dome! yikes and we definitely have different things to talk about these days than we did a year ago. she is growing so fast. it makes me look at my little 5 yr old and enjoy every minute of his little silliness knowing at that it will also be way too quick before he is a teenager.  luckily they both still enjoy for the most part playing games with me and going out to do family activities like bowling or movie night. timothy and i both enjoy these activities and feel they are a very important part of family time!

i often complain of how busy i am, which is a negative trait i hope to do less and less of...i find that it helps if i remind myself of all the great things that are going on in my life.  this blog is one place where i can, hopefully weekly, share those thoughts and remind myself how lucky i really am.

things i quite enjoyed this week:

last night Timothy and i took Nadja, Tyler, and lily to dinner (which didnt really jive with the diet i planned to start..) and to see The secret world of Arrietty which combined two of my favorite things little people living in the walls, and Hayao Miyazaki who did such wonderful movies, that our are on our family's favorites list as Spirited Away, Totoro, and Ponyo!


We all quite enjoyed the movie, and all though the dishes and laundry and paperwork did not get done that day, and the kids were not in bed at a decent hour, it was an excellent family night.




tonight i spent time with a great group of ladies at Bunco.  it was just what i needed on a tuesday night, especially after an afternoon of shoe shopping with tim and the kids.

I quite enjoy getting out of the house for some friend time.  I sure dont know what i'd do with out friends, yeah i do, i'd go crazy! literally crazy! i  dont  care how tired i am i always have to make time for friends, they mean the world to me. i am so lucky to have such a great group of people in my life, that listen to me complain and make me smile when i really need it!
i am also so grateful for a man that encourages me to get away from the house and hang out with my friends. he even did the overflowing pile of dishes before i got home. :)

i think that might be all for tonight...its 2 am. and despite the coffee my brain is getting fuzzy. hope to post again soon. have some fun things to tell about our Fort Wayne trip last weekend, and a few pictures to share :)

lots of love
Sonja