i cant write

i don't know how i made it through high school or that semester of college, i don't know how to write. how to write a paper, a story, even a structured letter. not to mention my grammar is crap. (oh gosh i just spelled grammar wrong) I've been out of school and office work for way too long it seems!  i'm tired of all these red lines telling me i'm wrong! other times i just don't care...i do find it really odd tho when i mess something up so wrong that even spell check has no answers for me, and so i have to keep changing it until it figures me out... :/ i don't however know why they cant figure out that when i write 'i'm' its i am and i just didn't put the dang punctuation!!
i enjoy writing and i love the idea of some day busting out a best selling novel like Stephanie Meyer, yes i love her!  cant wait for her to write something new!  Also super excited for her book the Host to be a movie this spring!  I wish i had the structure and imagination to crank out a best seller like Meyer or J.K. Rollings!  I know, I know..you can do anything you put your mind to but i'm not that motivated.  I think that i am more obsessed with the idea of overnight riches just from the ideas in my head... that's why i play the lottery.  Cant win if you don't play!
Sometimes i just think its odd, and maybe a little embarrassing that at the age of 30 i couldn't properly write an essay or story.  Sad i made it through high school without knowing....which makes me think either i had really crappy education or i do know and or did and just didn't know it or forgot :/  i did have the drama teacher senior year for English but i really should have known by then.
i don't know why i never learned. i remember even in grade school not turning stuff in b/c i didn't want to or didn't know how to do something....lazy even at a young age, hmm.
i know its not too late to learn. My brother says he learned as an adult. it seems Lincoln elementary/Jackson middle school/Riley high school education failed us both in that department, but how.  i know through the power of the Google and the fabulous world wide web i could learn someday but i'm not sure i have the desire.  i'll just keep on rambling on and on w/ my run on sentences and scattered thoughts with no point and getting the clutter out of my head and blaming public education...
i wonder who i can blame my lack of being able to express what i'm saying on....i sure cant say what i want to articulately, especially when i'm angry....well i guess that's part of what makes me, me...

hmmm the title of this blog 'i cant write' reminds me of the title of a David Sedaris book Me Talk Pretty... i love him, i think it might be time to read another of his books...i only  have about 200 on my reading list right now...at least half of which are on my window sill....maybe i'll settle for David Cross' I drink for a reason, so i can get it back to my sea-star Kasia!  sounds funny!

here is a lovey pic that has nothing to do with my blog topic but made me smile today and think peaceful thoughts :) hope everyone has a pleasant day!

lots of love, xo
Sonja